I like Meghan and Harry a lot. And I love that squidgy new baby. I also appreciate what they’ve done by eschewing any royal title and by giving their little boy an unusually ‘un-royal’ name (minus the Mountbatten-Windsor bit of course, because that does sound very fancy). I get it and I think it’s a welcome and bold move. But here’s the thing: titled baby or not, Meghan, Harry and Archie are royalty, and so, to paraphrase the great Jarvis Cocker, they’ll never live like common people. In fact, Meghan and Harry will never parent like common people either. And here’s why:
1. They’re highly unlikely to ever Google the words ‘next Asda baby event‘, and there’s no chance of catching them wandering down the baby aisle pushing a trolley packed to the brim with nappies and wipes, just so they don’t miss out on all the best offers. Because anyway, you can never have too many nappies and wipes, and as every parent will tell you, ‘they’ll always come in…’
2. They’ll never have to heave a newborn car seat into the back of a 3 door Ford Fiesta in the world’s tightest parking space, taking care not to damage the paintwork of the adjacent car, all the while muttering expletives to themselves about the childseat-less van in the Parent and Child space.
3. They’ll never have to answer the front door in their pyjamas at 3.30pm because they just didn’t have the energy or the will to get dressed after their baby was awake the entire night, and Amazon has chosen today of all days to deliver the random purchases they’ve been making on their phone between 1am and 5am every night for the past week. Because as all parents of newborns know, the most pointless stuff becomes an absolute must-have at 2.45am on your 16th consecutive night of NO SLEEP AT ALL. Everyone needs a strawberry huller, right?
4. They’ll never have to make that first visit to the baby and toddler group at their local community centre. Alone. They’ll never have to stand at the doorway and gaze upon the sea of frazzled parent faces, rampant toddlers and crying babies, and wonder why the NCT never told them about this part.
5. They won’t be living on a diet of chilli or spaghetti bolognese for what seems like forever, because these were the only two meals they could be bothered to batch cook before the baby came, and there’s not a cat in hell’s chance that they’ll be able to even contemplate making a healthy meal from scratch for at least the next two months. And as parents of babies know, takeaway delivery is not an option, because that would involve every new parent’s nemesis: the doorbell. (Although it’s easy to forget your fear of the doorbell between the hours of 1am and 5am every night – see a point 3).
So you see? Meghan and Harry are likely to miss out on some of these more ‘delightful’ aspects of parenting a newborn. But really, who cares? They’ve got their little Archie who will be their world. They’ll no doubt suffer the sleep deprivation of all new parents (although they’ll probably manage to look fairly good for it!) and they’ll still have those moments when they worry that they’re doing everything wrong. We may not bump into them at Asda’s next baby event or down at the local baby group, but as far as their love (and worry) for their baby goes, they’re probably not that different to the rest of us after all.
Although I doubt they’ll be buying a strawberry huller……