September, we meet again….


Well, here we are again, September. You don’t waste any time, do you? August has barely packed up her flip flops and there you are, mooching about with your darker nights, cold winds and frizzy hair.

I’ll be frank, September. You get on my wick. Here’s why.

You saunter in all coy when no one’s looking, and then take delight in screaming ‘AUTUMN’S COMING!’ at the top of your voice.

Yes, we’ve had some sunny days this year and as someone with a naturally pale blue complexion, I’m looking almost beige for once, and I’m grateful. But the thing is, September, I was just getting into the swing of summer and I was not ready for you to show up yet.

You see, two weeks ago and for the first time in about 3 months, I wangled some time for myself and chose to go clothes shopping.  Do not underestimate me when I say that I have not had size-appropriate summer clothes for a VERY LONG TIME.  For once, I splurged on some beautiful, flattering summer outfits and was really excited about wearing them. So, September, when you then rocked up unexpectedly last week with your rain and your pungent whiff of autumn, I was more than a little bit narked.  Because you see, now, as well as still having absolutely nothing to wear, I have a further problem in the form of a large pile of redundant new clothes, cluttering up my bedroom. Yeah, nice one September.

You start the countdown to apple purgatory.

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Frigging apples

Since moving house early last year and inadvertently taking ownership of the arboreal curse that is the apple tree, your arrival now means that I will shortly be picking, peeling, slicing, chopping, grating, stewing, steaming, pureeing, boiling and eating apples for at least 4 weeks on the trot; after which time the neighbours to the left of us will drop off another MASSIVE bag full of apples from their garden, ostensibly as a friendly gesture, but actually because they cannot stand the sight of the smug pip-riddled fruit anymore either.  The whole process of peeling, slicing, chopping etc. will then have to start again.

But that’s not all. A few days later, our neighbours to the right will also present us with a bag of the offending omnipresent frigging fruit.  By this point I will have almost cracked, and my kitchen will begin to morph from that of a failed and frazzled member of the Women’s Institute into a DHL-style distribution centre, as I try to dispose of the surplus fruit by bagging it up and arranging for its delivery to the homes of all of the people we know (and some of the people we don’t).  And I will not care if they are also in the midst of apple tree hell.

You’ll already be aware, September, that we also have a plum tree. As do our neighbours. On both sides. I think you know what I’m saying here.

You give me only 30 days to prepare for the hideous onslaught of birthdays that occur in October and November.

Admittedly, it’s not your fault that our NCT group had another 8 mums, meaning that 8 toddlers will have their birthdays in the space of two months and I will be required to find separate presents for almost all of them. Not to mention the fact that, my daughter, my sister-in-law, my three nephews, two friends and two friends’ babies also all have birthdays over that same period. That’s seventeen birthdays, September.  SEVENTEEN BIRTHDAYS in less than 2 months.

Despite the level of preparation required, September, you continue to put in one day less than most of the other hardworking months, just because April, June and November say it’s ok. Your lack of commitment means I have one less day to get myself organised at this ridiculously busy time of the year.  Shame on you.

You lead the march towards Christmas.

See paragraph regarding birthdays, above.  You do this to me, and then there’s Christmas too?  Are you having a laugh?

You remind me that I’ll soon have to find an alternative to my emergency afternoon trips to the park.

While you play outdoors with your three best friends, Cold, Misery and Drizzle, I will be increasingly stuck in the house because the prospect of going outside to end up with frizzy hair and a wet unhappy toddler does not appeal.  Over the summer, I have become used to taking full advantage of emergency visits to the park when my toddler refuses to nap in the afternoons. What do you expect me to do now, September?  Stay inside while my toddler and I take turns to climb the walls, pausing only to eat yet more apple/plum pie, apple/plum crumble, apple/plum cake, apple/plum sauce, or some other apple/plum-based concoction?  Or perhaps stay in and make use of my toddler’s advanced tablet skills by having her help me search online for 17 individual birthday presents? And I suppose while we’re doing that, I could also have her help me list my new unworn summer wardrobe on Ebay.

I bet you’ve never even thought about it, have you, September? And you wonder why they only ranked you 9th out of 12 whole months…

September, I doubt we will ever be friends.  I know you’ve got your job to do, but once it’s done,  I’d appreciate it if you could just pick up your mist and brown leaves and bugger off home at your earliest convenience. Oh, and when you get there, please let October know that I’d like a quick word.

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45 thoughts on “September, we meet again….”

  1. Hahahaha. Oh poor September, really getting the wrath of it all 😛
    I totally feel you on the cold aspect of it! I LOVE emergency walks or trips to the park, it’s like, the best way to deal with a cranky toddler. But, when you’re locked inside due to freezing temperatures, things tend to escalate pretty quickly, haha.

    Enjoy your apples! <3 #KCACOLS

  2. Haha I love your writing so much! September is my favourite month though :-S It always feels like a new beginning, and I have a September birthday, and I love Autumn and Halloween and Bonfire Night and Christmas and the start of winter (*sits dreaming for a minute*). But summer did go far too fast this year I agree – I was just starting to get used to it. #KCACOLS

    1. Aw thank you! I may have been a bit harsh on September. I do like winter – it’s just the drizzle we have to endure before we get there that I hate. Autumn is also a really busy time of year for us and I’m not the most organised person, so it’s a bit of a stress! And of course, there’s the apple issue. Oh those apples….

  3. Yes, I’m not a big fan of September myself but she’s a pussy cat compared to her big sister February who find a very nasty character! I have enough summer optimism to get me through September usually and luckily no rush of birthdays in October to deal with. Loved your post. #KCACOLS

  4. Oh dear poor September, I feel I need to make a stand on its behalf. I love September with it’s backwards nod to the Summer and hint of the approach of Autumn. For me it is also the start of school which is a welcome relief after the long summer holidays and we it is also my husband’s birthday so there is something to celebrate too. Good luck with the apples. #bigpinklink

    1. I’m sure that once my little girl starts school I’ll view September differently – as long as she doesn’t make friends with any other children who have birthdays in October and November! Have fun celebrating your husband’s birthday!

  5. Ha! I’m actually okay with September – it’s everything that follows that gets on my tits. At least you can still kind of get outside in September (unless it’s raining) – it gets a bit iffy in October, and by the time November hits, you’re well and truly f***ed. The only suitable indoor activities nearby are the library (very small) and Morrisons (where my toddler will happily run around and pull food off the shelves for hours). At least the autumn colours are pretty, right? #bigpinklink

    1. I suppose autumn does have lovely colours – all concede that much! It’s just been so easy to pop to the park for an afternoon when the weather’s been nice. I’m really going to miss that – although I’ll probably not have much time to think about it, given all the parties and apples I’ll be dealing with for the next few weeks….!

  6. Oh no, September is notorious for being warm, we had the warmest of days today, it was great and sunny! Hope that you got some of that too and got to put your summer clothes back on! Send some apples my way I quite like the baking process… Autumn starts on the 22nd – a fair few summer days to go yet! Thanks for linking up to #FamilyFun. Hope you can come back next week!

    1. Well you see, that’s September all over. I write my post a couple of days into the month when it’s grey, cold and drizzling, and then a few days later, September decides to throw us a mini-heatwave, just to make a point. It’s a devious little month. But yes, I did manage to wear my new clothes today, so it’s not all bad!

  7. I had to laugh, my mum just brought us two massive bags of apples and gleefully gave them to the children. We have a tree in our garden too!! Birthday time is insane for us too for the next few months. Thanks for joining us at the #bigpinklink

  8. Haha! I am not minding September too much at the moment but that might be because Iam not starting a new term for the first time in living memory! Hope you don’t get too sick of all the apple dishes! Thanks so much for linking with #KCACOLS. We hope you come back next week.

  9. LOL. Put the apples in the freezer and carry on wearing your summer clothes with a cardi. Summer’s gone but not forgotten.
    Hope you feel better after your rant 🙂

  10. Brilliant post. Although I am quite a lover of September because by then I am just plain done with the heat. It saddens me a little because I realize all our summer vacations and memories are over but I do love me some holiday seasons. It’s Jan and Feb that I would like to have a word with. Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink.

  11. Totally with you on the birthdays. Moo is one in Feb, but I managed to befriend the mums of slightly older bambinos at this round of groups. So I have four “XX is One!!” parties in October and November, gah. Thanks for linking to #Chucklemums, hope to see you next week!

  12. Hahaha! September is always busy for birthdays – it’s all those Christmas shenanigans! I don’t mind September, but I do have a dislike for October. It’s just so LONG and hurry up and be Xmas already! Thanks for linking up with #chucklemums lovely xx

  13. I totally get where you are coming from. September is the preview of what is to come – lousy, damp weather and dark evenings. I am dreading it too. Especially all of us being couped up together in the house while the madness well and truly sets in. My dream would be to emigrate for the winter months, which reminds me I must pop out to do the Euromillions before this evening!! #dreamteam

    1. The damp weather is the worst. It’s so easy just to pass an afternoon in the park or the garden in the summer. I already miss it!

  14. Ah, go on, you have a sneaking regard for old Septemnberpuss … what, no? I love it myself, as I am a September baby, and it is usually a nice month here … and whisper it, my daughter is cooking an apple crumble as we speak! Yum. And by the by, beautifully written and funny.
    Enda Sheppard recently posted…Crazy Like The WolfMy Profile

    1. Aw, thank you Enda. No, there’s really not much that I like about September, although to be honest, this year it went by so quickly that I barely noticed it. I still have a fridge full of apples to remember it by though….

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